Enough is enough

I haven't had time to post for a while, but here I am: 14 days in and not missing the booze one little bit. I guess I'm lucky, as I've had no cravings at all and no desire to fall off the wagon. That said, I have been waking up with the most hideous throbbing headaches that seem to last up to an hour. Not this morning though, today was different. I awoke naturally at seven after a pretty good night's sleep and with a lovely clear head. Yay! Shame it's too damn rainy to play tennis.

I think there's an expectation from other people that I will at some point return to drinking, given that consuming ethanol in its various forms has played such a big role in my life. While my mantra has always been 'Never say never', I'm not sure that I will relapse. Back in 2003 when I decided to quit smoking, I knew I'd never touch another cigarette again and indeed I haven't. It's as if something inside me decided it had had enough and I never had the urge again to smoke.

I feel it's the same with drinking, although next summer's sunny evenings on my vine-draped balcony might prove challenging. Alcohol and I have had a long tempestuous relationship and I feel that we've at last come to the end of the road. I genuinely don't feel deprived that I've given something up, rather I've gained something instead. Call it control of my own life, call it sobriety, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I've significantly reduced my chances of developing a number of horrible diseases, I feel a whole lot better about myself, I'm looking better (people have commented) and I appear to have a lot more time to do the things I like to do. And the money: my Sober Time app says I've save almost £60, which is indeed sobering! More importantly though, I think I'm now a much better role model for my children.

However, there is a downside, and it's one that makes me feel both sad and guilty. While P has cut out drinking during the week (hurray!) he has, on the occasions we've been out together since I quit drinking, got far drunker than anyone else. He is thankfully a benevolent rather than belligerent drunk, but still talks over people, slurs his words and looks like he's having a stroke. Now I do realise that this didn't bother me quite so much when I was still drinking, as I was invariably too drunk myself to notice or care. Now though I find his behaviour embarrassing and downright annoying. I tried explaining how I felt and he said my comments were like a red rag to a bull i.e. by remarking on his drinking I was somehow baiting him to drink even more than he normally does.

I know it's mean, but I've declared that from now on we're going to have to socialise separately if he's going to drink to excess.